Transforming Myself, Transforming My State

So, in one of my last blog entries I wrote about my own personal transformation. 

What's exciting is... in the time I have been working to transform myself, I have also been working hard on a project professionally that will transform the state of Louisiana -- in terms of our health, fitness/activity levels, nutrition of citizens, etc.  It's a project that, hopefully, will transform communities... create infrastructure for healthy living.  Change the health of our state. 

The board voted tonight to announce the program publicly next Wednesday, which means my life is about to get busy.  Really busy. 

Will I be able to maintain my own transformation while I transform the state? 

Nonstop Eating

This weekend was filled with tropical storm weather.  Lots of rain.  For me, that means a lot of enjoyable inside time to relax. 

I don't know what it was... the weather, the indoors, etc... But, I could not stop eating!  Seriously, I felt hungry or had the munchies all weekend.  I just kept eating.  I wasn't really eating bad stuff.  But, I was eating much more than normal.

The only thing going for me is that I'm skipping class this week.  Monday is Labor Day so it's cancelled and I can't make any of the other classes due to work stuff.  So, at least I'll have a week to help get any extra weight from it off.

It's ALL Good

Had my appointment with the dermatologist regarding my spot on the back.  He checked it and the rest of my flesh (which he noted several times had LOTS of freckles and moles).  Then, he sent me off with an "All Good" thumbs up.  He did suggest, however, that I take an inventory of my many moles and check them regularly.  That should be fun.  I can't remember what I did yesterday... I have no idea how I'll remember all my many spots.  At least, I'm good for now and check this off my to do list.

Transformation

I spent a year transforming myself.  Physically, at least.  It's been an incredible experience.  Emotional.  Exhausting.  Excruciatingly painful.  Energizing.  Exciting.  Expensive!

Most days I don't feel as though I've had this major transformation.... especially lately because I've been around the same size for many months and I'm use to this new size.  Then I will see a photo of me (cringe) or run into someone I haven't seen in months (cringe cringe) and it's a reminder.  I don't like that reminder.  Because I feel like what you see now is who I was then... but I don't like that packaging. 

I have a couple of friends who I've gotten to be close with recently.  People who might have known me before the transformation (somewhat).  Knew who I was.  Maybe even knew I was heavy.  I don't know.  We never discuss it.  But, I've come to realize I like that they are really only friends with the new me.  I feel like there are a couple of people who don't even know or remember that other Christy.  The one I'm embarrassed by.  The one that makes me cringe.  The one with the ugly packaging. 

I was talking to one of them recently about writing.  What I write: plays, short stories, blogs, etc.  Blogs?  Well, then he wanted the blog address.  Oh Lord of the Rings... I can't have that.  This blog has captured all of the transformation.  And, if you didn't know that Christy... I certainly don't want you to meet her now. 

I had lunch with another friend this week who knew me before.  And, she wanted to have the local magazine do a story on my transformation.  I was horrified.  Absolutely not.  I don't want anyone to remember the old package.  A story would just remind everyone how absolutely fat I was.  I know a lot of people are excited about their transformations.  I've seen it on the Biggest Loser and other shows and in real life.  But, I guess I see it like editing down a real bad term paper.  Why would we go back and want to look at the original version?  It was a mess.  Not pretty. 

Is it bad that I want to hide the transformation?

New Beginnings

A few weeks ago Ginah announced to class that she would be moving.  Her finance had accepted a job out of state and she'd be gone by the end of August.  We were all sad, of course.

Ginah has been my primary fat class teacher since I started the diet.  In addition, Ginah has been a resource to me on work projects -- like a huge project we are about to announce.  So, I was certainly sad.  But, at the same time. . . I thought it might be good for me.  It's been a year.  I'm tired of the classes.  A bit bored with the program.  I've felt especially committed to staying on target because of her.  Having a new instructor might bring me a new perspective.  It's a way to start anew. 

Instead of me being on the path to continue to lose weight, I think I'll enter this relationship with the path to maintain my current weight.  If I happen to lose more, ok.  If not, that's fine too.  Because Ginah was with me from day 1, I have felt like I should see a loss every week.  I feel guilty on weeks I maintain.  I have seen Ginah as my weight LOSS teacher.  But, the reality is I've been in the maintenance phase for months.  And, I need to start wrapping my head around long term maintenance. 

The good news is I will still have Ginah in my life for a while longer.  Even though she'll be states away, I've talk to her about doing some work for me while she looks for a new position.  She has a great depth of knowledge around nutrition and fitness -- much beyond the too scripted fat classes I've been sitting through.  (In fact, one might argue that her talents were wasted in that restricted environment).  Regardless, it appears we may continue working together professionally.  And, that's exciting.

But, I'm also excited to begin anew in the program under this new perspectives.  Let's see where it takes me.

Play Ball!

Recently, I participated in a softball game at church.  Adults against kids!  ROAR!!!  Bring it!  Let's kick these kids..... well, you know. 

Whoooo, chere!  It was hot out.  We're talking August in Louisiana.... so very hot.  But, it was fun to play. 

Actually, it felt really fun to run around and be physical without feeling so self conscious about my size/weight.  I had a great time.  I would do that more.  It made me feel youthful. 

And, it didn't hurt that we won.  Oh yeah... we kicked those little kids butts! 

Under Surveillance

I had my follow up on the lump and, for now, my breast are under ongoing surveillance.  They want to keep an eye on it, though they suspect no real need to worry. So, I have a follow up in a couple of months.  Again with my friend from the gym.  She'll be getting to know me pretty well, it appears. 

However, when we were finishing up... my friend suggested I have a spot on my back checked.  "It's probably fine," she said.  "But, better to be safe." True 'nuf, seeing that my younger cousin was just diagnosed with a minor case of melanoma. 

So, now I get to go in for another issue.  I feel like my whole body is under surveillance right now.  And, it's getting expensive (not to mention bringing too much unwanted anxiety).