I spent a year transforming myself. Physically, at least. It's been an incredible experience. Emotional. Exhausting. Excruciatingly painful. Energizing. Exciting. Expensive!
Most days I don't feel as though I've had this major transformation.... especially lately because I've been around the same size for many months and I'm use to this new size. Then I will see a photo of me (cringe) or run into someone I haven't seen in months (cringe cringe) and it's a reminder. I don't like that reminder. Because I feel like what you see now is who I was then... but I don't like that packaging.
I have a couple of friends who I've gotten to be close with recently. People who might have known me before the transformation (somewhat). Knew who I was. Maybe even knew I was heavy. I don't know. We never discuss it. But, I've come to realize I like that they are really only friends with the new me. I feel like there are a couple of people who don't even know or remember that other Christy. The one I'm embarrassed by. The one that makes me cringe. The one with the ugly packaging.
I was talking to one of them recently about writing. What I write: plays, short stories, blogs, etc. Blogs? Well, then he wanted the blog address. Oh Lord of the Rings... I can't have that. This blog has captured all of the transformation. And, if you didn't know that Christy... I certainly don't want you to meet her now.
I had lunch with another friend this week who knew me before. And, she wanted to have the local magazine do a story on my transformation. I was horrified. Absolutely not. I don't want anyone to remember the old package. A story would just remind everyone how absolutely fat I was. I know a lot of people are excited about their transformations. I've seen it on the Biggest Loser and other shows and in real life. But, I guess I see it like editing down a real bad term paper. Why would we go back and want to look at the original version? It was a mess. Not pretty.
Is it bad that I want to hide the transformation?
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