52 Weeks

I'm closing out my 52 week in the program. And, Monday will mark a year on the diet. A year of my life.

How does those 52 weeks translate into longer life? Will it? How many more weeks have I added to my life because of this program? Because of my commitment to change my life?

It's kind of a bummer to walk into your 52 week with a 3 pound weight gain. And, I have spent all week working pretty hard to stay focused on losing that three pounds. I'd really like to hit my one year mark being the lowest I have ever been on their scales. But, my scale at home isn't giving any indication that will be the case tonight. I'm trying not to let that upset me.

The truth is... life comes with patches of ups and downs and you just have to focus on long term. I'm still down such a significant amount from a year ago. I'm eating so many fruits and vegetables I never thought I would be. I know I must be healthier.

People ask me a lot if I feel different. I still feel like me. I feel like inside this is how I've always been and now maybe people can really see me more? Interesting concept. Seeing more of me by there being less of me.

Anyway, if I could celebrate these 52 weeks with wine (which, by the way was the plan but we had to postpone a napa trip due to finances) I would do so with a Caymus or Silver Oak. Like those two labels, this is worth the investment.

Strategies

Strategies.

That is an overused word in fat class. Strategies.

Ginah loves to talk about strategies. What strategies work? What strategies can you use? Strategies.

This past week in fat class (you know, the one where I gained 3 pounds) she called me out. There was one minute left of class. And, the class was already in a roudy mood. In a very inadequate attempt to get us pulled together and send us off with one more "strategy" for the week she loudly said, "Wait... Christy has a strategy that can help!" She was referring to one of the students in the back who apparently was having issues not eating food that was living on his counter. At first, I was like... I do? Don't you remember from our confession session 40 minutes ago that I gained 3 pounds? Then I realized that she was referring to my time in Tennesee with my mom.

At this point, I really had no interest in continuing the strategy session and was ready to bolt. After all, I had just been presented the damage of my eating out. I wasn't really up for providing support. So, when she said... "Christy, what are some of the strategies you used to get through that challenge?" I turned to the back of the room, looked the guy in the eye and said, "I just tried to stay drunk the whole time!"

This had the class roaring (including the nuns) and had Ginah off in a tizzy. I thought it was a good strategy, honestly.

The BIG 4 Oh!

At Christmas I will be celebrating my 40th birthday. This weekend, some old friends from high school came together to celebrate all of ours. We've been talking about doing something for months. It's just three of us, but it seemed significant... we should celebrate it together. We talked about taking a trip or doing something big. When it came down to it, we went low key. Just a night in the quarter in New Orleans.

Saturday we met up and it was nice. Low key. Relaxing. We enjoyed dinner and conversation. Never even made it to Bourbon Street. We were too busy playing scrabble back in the apartment over champagne. A bottle we couldn't even finish, mind you.

Yes, we were pretty lame. More than anything... I think we were all tired. Each of us had been experiencing our own challenges lately and really need just some calm conversation. And, that was very nice.

We ate and drank and talked. And, it showed this week on the scale. I was up 3 pounds!

Oh well... you only turn forty once... right?

Back in Hiatus

In the winter months, I was having a hard time going to the gym. I'm feeling the same now. I am only working out at home -- which means very little variety. And, that's not a good thing. But, I can't make myself go. I canceled my pilates class because of the cost. It seemed like I really shouldn't be adding to our expenses right now. And, I've just been skipping spin and step class (which are free to members) since we left for vacation.

I've got to get myself back. At least I'm still exercising, but I know it's not the intensity I should really be focused on right now. This hiatus is just a little too warm and comfy...

Can't Explain It

Perhaps the anxiety is helping to burn calories?

After the increase in wine during last weeks rehearsals, I was certain I'd see a gain on the scale. But, there was actually a loss. Down 1.7 pounds. I'm guessing its probably a catch up from the 50 miles a day I did last week when we returned from vacation.

I seem to notice that exercise (with me, at least) takes a week to catch up. Because this past week, I didn't even hit my goal of burning 2000 calories. So, less exercise and more wine shouldn't equal a weight loss.

I can't explain it. But, I'm certain that means next week I'm in trouble!

Mounting a Play in a Week Requires A LOT of Wine

While I may have survived my mother's chex mix, I have not survived the workload and wine required to mount a play in one week.

I was asked to take a play I wrote last year and produce it as a benefit for a local nonprofit. Well, its a childrens play and not all that entertaining for adults. So, it really need to be rewritten some as well. And, I didn't have much time to get it going with vacation... not just mine, but the others who agreed to do this with me.

We had one week to get this thing done.

Turning a childrens play into a funny adult piece takes time/wine. Last week I did regular meetings with the cast to make this thing entertaining and our host (one of the actors) kept the wine coming. It did seem that the more wine we drank, the funnier the script got. This, of course, made us a little nervous. We thought we better bring in some sober individuals to hear a read. To our surprise, they liked it. Guess the wine worked!

Yesterday was the performance. And, we were a hit! But, I am pretty concerned that the creative juices I was enjoying might show up pretty good on the scale tonight.

The Very Friendly Breast Exam

The week I left for my "vacation" to the Lakehouse in Tennessee, I had an appointment with a specialist for the lump.  I had already seen my Gynecologist.  She then had me do a mammogram and an ultrasound.  All of this was to be followed up by a thorough exam with this breast cancer specialist. 

The past few weeks of activities have been titillating, to say the least.  (Pun so obviously intended). 

The exam with the specialist was really just the best experience yet.  I had actually googled her ahead of time and asked a friend who shares her last name if there was a relation.  Nope.  I even saw her picture online.  No recognition.

I'm waiting for her to enter in nothing but a hospital gown (opened to the front) and a pair of pants.  When she walks in, she is so excited and says "I was hoping it was my friend!"  Two issues here.  Hoping?  (Who hopes its someone they know when it could be cancer?) and Friend?  (Wait, are we friends?)

She even hugs me.  Reminder.  I was in nothing but a hospital gown (open to the front).  Then she goes on about how she saw my name and wondered... etc.  I am so confused.  Who the hell is this?  Then it hits me.  Oh sssssh...t!  Oh crap.  I know who this is.  Awww, man.  What is with my luck?

It's a woman I work out with EVERY morning at 5 am.  I knew she worked for this hospital system, but had no idea in what role.  Also, we NEVER see each other in makeup or with real work clothes on.  So, it took me a while to realize.  And, no... her photo online did not help. 

So, for the next 45 minutes she exams me.  Really, it was a very long time.  Lots of touching and comparing breasts.  This is all done through a sidebar conversation around whether I was going to continue to take pilates class.  Oh my.  It got really cozy, I'll say. 

Two important things to note. 
1.  Recently, my gym had a weight loss competition.  It ran from December to June.  I was really hoping to win because the prize was $160 bucks.  And, with our recent financial hardship, that would be a lot of money.  Second place was $55.  I took second place to this woman.  But, if you think about it... it probably cost me $55 or more to see her... so it's like she won both prizes, eh?

2.  Diagnosis:  Inconclusive.  Nothing is showing on the scans but she and my doctor can feel the bump.  It's probably nothing, but lets monitor it.  So I return in August for another friendly breast exam.

The Truth of My Reality

So, I have mentioned my stress recently.  The truth is... things have been stressful this summer.  My husband was laid off in early June and that caused me to really stress about money.  In addition, he decided to open his own practice -- which requires some start up costs (office, furniture, website, collateral, etc).  All of that is very necessary but can add up.  And, on one income... I'm feeling anxious.  We have some money in savings, but I don't like tapping into that.  It's really not a lot and will go fast. 

In addition to this financial hardship, the morning of the day he was laid off... I discovered a lump.  Yep... some UHO (unidentified hard object) was noticeable in my left breast.  And, that caused me even more stress.  Then, when I found out about my husband's job... I'm pretty sure I went right into high anxiety mode. 

Let me just say this... when you are stressed and anxious, it is especially hard to stay focused or even concerned about the diet.  Maintaining high levels of fruits and vegetables as well as increasing exercise seems pretty insignificant. 

So, even though I really wasn't planning to blog about it.  It seems almost too personal to put online... it is very much impacting my diet, my life.  And, after all... this is the truth of my reality. 

Up .4

Last night was my first weigh in after my many days away....  after many cups of chex mix... after many sips of alcohol. 

Apparently the biking helped (A LOT) because I was only up .4 on the scale!!  That blows my mind, actually.  And, I'm grateful.  But, wow... I am amazed.  Maybe I wasn't as bad I thought? 

Hmmmm.... I'm gonna stick with it being the 170 miles I biked upon my return. 

Regardless, my fat class teacher (Ginah) was thrilled.  I thought she was going to kiss me, actually!  Now, gotta keep it off.

50 miles at a time!

All that chex mix showed up on the scales when I returned.  I had to do an intervention with myself.  I needed to get some massive PA in to try and take off some of that unwanted weight.  So, since Thursday I have biked 170 miles... two days in a row I biked 50.  This equates to about 3500 calories, which is a pound.  So, hopefully at my weigh in tomorrow I will be a pound lesser than I would have.  Meaning, I'll be up less! 

But, I know... I'll still be up something.  I was too bad to be so lucky.

A Miscommunication over Chex Mix

Before heading to the Island, I had a text exchange with my mom over the fact that I've been challenged a lot lately on the diet.  I'm having a hard time saying no to foods I really shouldn't eat.  So, she responded...

"I won't make chex mix then."  She's fully aware of my addiction to that deliciously salty snack!  That text was quickly followed by "I'll make foods I know you don't like."

So, I responded "Please do.  Though I would really love some chex mix."

My point was... please do make only foods I don't like.  Please keep from tempting me.  And, gosh chex mix sounds sooooooo good.  My point (again) was... I'm easily tempted. 

When our car broke down and we got in my dads he said, "Well, at least your mom's got the chex mix started." 

I was confused.  I said, "She's making chex mix?" 

"Yeah, she said you really wanted some."

Clearly, we had a miscommunication. 

Anyway, she had a batch ready when I got there. 

And, by the time we left she had made 14 batches (of which I ate most of).

Oh well....  it was delicious!

Bruised and Bloody

My luck really hasn't shifted... yet. 

In an attempt to get in some exercise and keep my PA level high, I did some stairs around the property.  The place is packed with staircases and steps and stone paths.  Around the pool area I was walking up steps and around the pool, etc.  I was trying to get some intensity in where possible.  About 8 minutes in, I bust my ass.  Drove my knee right into a stone step and now my legs are bruised and bloody and sore. 

So, I have decided to just relax.  I'm not going to push anything.  I'm going to swim and enjoy the lake.  I'm going to eat what I want to eat.  If I gain 10 pounds, then I'll worry about that when I get home.  I'm here for a getaway and to relax not get bruised and bloody.

Independence Day

When we arrived in TN, I quickly took note of the challenges ahead.  My mother is quite the cook and is planning to prepare a lot of tastee treats for all the social gatherings ahead at the Lakehouse.  Yesterday was my midweek call into Ginah... to give her my stats and update her on whats happening (challenges, etc).  So, I sent her this photo.  Basically, I want her to expect that I'll gain 10 pounds this week.  And, hopefully when I only gain 5 she will be proud of me. 

Her return message to me sounded frantic... almost as if I was abducted by aliens and she feared for my life.  She asked if my mother could put the food away... in the pantry, out of sight.  I had to gently explain that there was no room in the pantry and she REALLY didn't want ot see what was in that.  :)

I also had to email her photos of where my food was (in the downstairs bar area).  She approved of my keeping it separate from the other food but still sounded frantic.  "Are there foods in the kitchen area that you can eat?" she asked.  I assured her there were lots of fruits and vegetables nearby and even sent a photo.  She seemed to relax then.  But, it was funny how scared she sounded for me. 

I think she would have come and gotten me if she could.  She did not sound happy at all about my being there.  I just said, "well now you know why I was so fat!"  My mother enjoyed the dialog back and forth between me and my fat class teacher.  She was laughing at it all and said, "Do I need to talk to her?  Just tell her it's Independence Day... and you need some INDEPENDENCE!!!!"

Touche!