The Very Friendly Breast Exam

The week I left for my "vacation" to the Lakehouse in Tennessee, I had an appointment with a specialist for the lump.  I had already seen my Gynecologist.  She then had me do a mammogram and an ultrasound.  All of this was to be followed up by a thorough exam with this breast cancer specialist. 

The past few weeks of activities have been titillating, to say the least.  (Pun so obviously intended). 

The exam with the specialist was really just the best experience yet.  I had actually googled her ahead of time and asked a friend who shares her last name if there was a relation.  Nope.  I even saw her picture online.  No recognition.

I'm waiting for her to enter in nothing but a hospital gown (opened to the front) and a pair of pants.  When she walks in, she is so excited and says "I was hoping it was my friend!"  Two issues here.  Hoping?  (Who hopes its someone they know when it could be cancer?) and Friend?  (Wait, are we friends?)

She even hugs me.  Reminder.  I was in nothing but a hospital gown (open to the front).  Then she goes on about how she saw my name and wondered... etc.  I am so confused.  Who the hell is this?  Then it hits me.  Oh sssssh...t!  Oh crap.  I know who this is.  Awww, man.  What is with my luck?

It's a woman I work out with EVERY morning at 5 am.  I knew she worked for this hospital system, but had no idea in what role.  Also, we NEVER see each other in makeup or with real work clothes on.  So, it took me a while to realize.  And, no... her photo online did not help. 

So, for the next 45 minutes she exams me.  Really, it was a very long time.  Lots of touching and comparing breasts.  This is all done through a sidebar conversation around whether I was going to continue to take pilates class.  Oh my.  It got really cozy, I'll say. 

Two important things to note. 
1.  Recently, my gym had a weight loss competition.  It ran from December to June.  I was really hoping to win because the prize was $160 bucks.  And, with our recent financial hardship, that would be a lot of money.  Second place was $55.  I took second place to this woman.  But, if you think about it... it probably cost me $55 or more to see her... so it's like she won both prizes, eh?

2.  Diagnosis:  Inconclusive.  Nothing is showing on the scans but she and my doctor can feel the bump.  It's probably nothing, but lets monitor it.  So I return in August for another friendly breast exam.