New Beginnings

A few weeks ago Ginah announced to class that she would be moving.  Her finance had accepted a job out of state and she'd be gone by the end of August.  We were all sad, of course.

Ginah has been my primary fat class teacher since I started the diet.  In addition, Ginah has been a resource to me on work projects -- like a huge project we are about to announce.  So, I was certainly sad.  But, at the same time. . . I thought it might be good for me.  It's been a year.  I'm tired of the classes.  A bit bored with the program.  I've felt especially committed to staying on target because of her.  Having a new instructor might bring me a new perspective.  It's a way to start anew. 

Instead of me being on the path to continue to lose weight, I think I'll enter this relationship with the path to maintain my current weight.  If I happen to lose more, ok.  If not, that's fine too.  Because Ginah was with me from day 1, I have felt like I should see a loss every week.  I feel guilty on weeks I maintain.  I have seen Ginah as my weight LOSS teacher.  But, the reality is I've been in the maintenance phase for months.  And, I need to start wrapping my head around long term maintenance. 

The good news is I will still have Ginah in my life for a while longer.  Even though she'll be states away, I've talk to her about doing some work for me while she looks for a new position.  She has a great depth of knowledge around nutrition and fitness -- much beyond the too scripted fat classes I've been sitting through.  (In fact, one might argue that her talents were wasted in that restricted environment).  Regardless, it appears we may continue working together professionally.  And, that's exciting.

But, I'm also excited to begin anew in the program under this new perspectives.  Let's see where it takes me.

Play Ball!

Recently, I participated in a softball game at church.  Adults against kids!  ROAR!!!  Bring it!  Let's kick these kids..... well, you know. 

Whoooo, chere!  It was hot out.  We're talking August in Louisiana.... so very hot.  But, it was fun to play. 

Actually, it felt really fun to run around and be physical without feeling so self conscious about my size/weight.  I had a great time.  I would do that more.  It made me feel youthful. 

And, it didn't hurt that we won.  Oh yeah... we kicked those little kids butts! 

Under Surveillance

I had my follow up on the lump and, for now, my breast are under ongoing surveillance.  They want to keep an eye on it, though they suspect no real need to worry. So, I have a follow up in a couple of months.  Again with my friend from the gym.  She'll be getting to know me pretty well, it appears. 

However, when we were finishing up... my friend suggested I have a spot on my back checked.  "It's probably fine," she said.  "But, better to be safe." True 'nuf, seeing that my younger cousin was just diagnosed with a minor case of melanoma. 

So, now I get to go in for another issue.  I feel like my whole body is under surveillance right now.  And, it's getting expensive (not to mention bringing too much unwanted anxiety).

I'm So Not a Runner

My spin class changed up the structure.  It's now more of a circuit class.  We will spin, then run track, then do ab work, then run, then spin.  Yesterday, we did about a mile of running.  And, while I completed it... I am so not a runner. 

I thought dropping a bunch of weight would make me more athletic, more flexible, a better runner.  Nope.  I thought all these things would be easier.  It's becoming more and more apparent to me that I'm simply not an athlete.  I have no real athletic abilities.  There was a reason I was the last one chosen for teams in school... because I stink at sports.  In vollyball, I suck.  In softball, I suck.  I'm the slowest runner.  And, apparently, weight has nothing to do with it. 

Guess I'll just have to keep working at it.  Yuck.

An All New Low

Well, it happened.  I have hit an all new low... just when I thought I couldn't go any lower! 

I lost 2 more pounds and am at the lowest I've been ever on the diet and since college.  In fact, I'm (sadly) now at the weight I put on my drivers license 20 years ago and would never change during each renewal -- despite major hints and questions over the years from DMV workers, "You sure there isn't anything else you wanna update, honey?!?" 

Anyway, I'm feeling good.  And, it's probably the first time in my life I'm excited to have a hit a new low. 

Double Lunch

So, Ginah gave me some tasks this week to help me increase my weight loss.  Basically, she wants to shake up my routine. 

Ok... that's fine.  But, the problem is. . . she really wants me to eat more food during the day.  I typically do a lot of shakes during the work day.  Why?  Because my schedule is very difficult and shakes are super easy.  Well, she even put me on the spot in front of the entire class and made me promise to incorporate certain items in on my Wednesday -- which was going to be a challenging day.

I said, Ok.  I packed up some salad stuff and veggies for me to eat on Wednesday and only did shakes for breakfast.  Meaning, I took none with me to work.  Well, I couldn't really make myself eat the raw vegetables between the meetings I had.  I tried... I really did.  But, it was hard.  Then I had a lunch meeting.  And, they had some vegetables there.  I know they had butter on them.  But, they were vegetables... right?  So, I got a plate with some.  Very small portions of everything I got.  But, I was trying to add food, especially since I didn't have my shakes.  And, now I was feeling hungry.  My next meeting was at a restaurant.  It was planning meeting for something and I ended up ordering more vegetables.  I thought, more is better... right??  And, I told the waitress I could NOT have butter on them.  Well, the broccoli was fine.  Dry and tasteless.  Perfect.  :(  The potatos were different.  Covered in butter.  I pulled the waitress and said, "I said they can't have butter."

She said, "Yeah... we'll that's just how they make those so you have to have it."  She was preoccupied and made no attempt to fix it with anything better as she jetted off.  So, there they sat in front of me.  I ate the broccoli.  It was pretty terrible.  Then I tried a potato.  Then another.  Then another. 

I kept thinking... I would have been better off with the shakes.  Why didn't I just stick with the shakes?  So, in the end I had a double lunch.  That will certainly mess with my routine.  Hope it helps increase my metabolism, too!

Frustrated

.8

That was my loss last night.  .8 

Not even a pound.

Ok.  So, I know it sometimes takes a while for the exercise to catch up with the weight loss.  But, not even a full pound?  Uggh.  It's amazing how much harder the diet gets.  And, I am really no where near I should be for my weight.  I mean, I'm at a comfortable weight.  I like my size.  But, I still have sections that could slim down quite a bit and, if you look at those dumb charts, I could probably lose another 30+ pounds to be considered normal weight for my height.

Now, let me set the record straight.  I'm in no way interested in becoming anorexic.  I'm sure my friends, who really know me, realize this is pretty impossible.  I am sure at times, though, I may sound like a crazy person.  After all, I did just bike 160 miles in three days to try to drop a pound!  (Course, it didn't work.. so I'm a terrible anorexic, anyway.)

I just know that weight loss is harder the closer I get to my normal weight range.  So, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to maintain my loss once I get to a stopping point.  Frustrating!

160 Miles

Still focused on getting down to my lowest weight yet... I'm trying to get extra exercise in.  So, over the weekend (this includes Friday) I did 160 miles on the bike at home.  And, yes... I am tired.  That really is a lot of time to sit on a bike.  Even a recumbent bike gets old after a few hours....

I just really want to lose more.  And, I am frustrated with myself.  So, the biking helps elevate the frustrations while burning calories!  :)

Anyway, I better see some kind of loss tonight on the scale!

Out of Hibernation

Well, I got myself back in the routine and hit spin and step class this week.  Yes, I felt out of shape.  It doesn't matter that I can bike (at home) 50-60 miles in a day.  It's different to do a spin or step class where someone is screaming at you to move faster!  No one is doing that at home.  I may push myself during a ride at home but not for the length that I am in a class.  I  know it.  And, that's why it's important for me to keep mixing these classes in my routine.  So, I'm happy I made it back.  Let's hope I don't go back to my hibernation days again. 

365 Days

Yesterday was my 365 day in the program, on the diet, in fat class in the box, whatever....  THREE HUNDRED ++ days. 

Yes, that's a lot.

At weigh in, I was disappointed.  I wasn't able to get back down to the lowest weight I logged so far while on the diet.  And, even though it was only a pound and a half... it was still higher than I wanted to weigh as I cross the line from one year to the next. 

Ginah was startled by my sadness and disappointment and tried to console me.  She kept talking about the big picture.

I said, "Yeah... I know about all that, yadda yadda, and I get it.  I know in the scheme of it, I should be thrilled.  But, the truth is.. I'm not.  I just need tonight to be mad at myself and tomorrow I will be fine."

Needless to say, I've had several calls from her today.  I guess she was worried I went off the deep end.  But, I did need a minute to be mad and upset.  Now, I'm fine.  Today I can appreciate what I've accomplished.  And, now I can look forward to the next 365++ days of my new life!