One of the nonprofits I work with just published their Community Report and it comes out next week. Last year I was on the cover in a decent photo. This year, I am included on the inside -- a photo of several of us from the organization with the Governor.
When I opened my copy yesterday I was so ashamed. Embarrassed. Humiliated. Horrified.
I look terrible. Huge. Swollen. I was mortified. I just wanted to rip that page out of EVERY publication printed. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. It's a reminder to everyone of how fat I was. And, that really embarrasses me.
The thing is... I don't feel like that is me. I was watching the Biggest Loser last night. The contestants ran a marathon. They showed images of them before the program leaving a personal mesasge to their soon to be thin self. They all looked so different! And, their messages were all about being glad they found themselves again and not going back to being fat. I was right there with them. The image in that publication is a reminder to never go back... it's just unfortuante that the entire community gets to see it.
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