Stress Free Vacation

My weigh in on Monday showed a decrease.  I was down 2.3 pounds.  But, overall I'm still up .7 from my lowest weight. 

I was hoping to have lost the entire 3 pounds before leaving for our family vacation yesterday.  We're spending a week at my parent's lakehouse in Tennesee.  Even though I packed my blender, shakes, and diet food, I'm anticipating some extra weight coming on. I just know what happens when I go there.  Lots of food.  Lots of booze.  It is what it is.

We left yesterday with a car full of stuff.  Our clothes, my food, and some stuff my dad asked us to bring (boxes of home grown tomatoes, jars of homemade salsa, and a case of Westerhall rum).  It's a 9 hour drive to their house and we were ready to get there.  Especially me.  I have really been looking forward to this get away.  And, yes... the diet and potential weight gain has brought on some anxiety... overall, I'm excited and eager to be away for a few days. 

We barely got out of Louisiana and into Mississippi before our car broke down.  Yep.  Broke down.  We had just stopped in Picayune (MS) for some veggies.  I had left mine in the fridge at home and was already starting to feel hungry.  So, we ran in quick and grabbed some.  When we got on the on ramp for the interstate, the car started acting funny.  And, it eventually stopped running.

Now, here we are 90 minutes into our trip with a car full of stuff and my lap full of veggies.  It's nearly 100 degrees out.  And, we break down.  Perfect. 

After numerous attempts to determine what the problem is, my husband gives up.  We call a tow truck and take it to a dealership.  Thank goodness there was one just an exit away.  Another great thing was my father was scheduled to drive to TN later that day.  He was able to leave a little earlier than planned and picked us up.  He also had a packed car and that was a little challenge, at first.  But, we packed what we could in and left our car in Mississippi.  And... got ourselves on hit the road again. 

Let's just hope the dealer doesn't call with some really bad news.  I was really hoping for a stress free vacation. 

Steady Jog

Yesterday's spin class was more like a boot camp.  It was 10 minutes intense spinning, then jogging the track, then rigiourous ab exercises, then back to the track, then more intense intervals on the bike. 

I was pretty worried I'd be out of shape for class since I have been so relaxed in my workout routine.  And, I could feel myself struggling at first.  But, overall I surprised myself. 

I'm not a big runner/jogger.  I do short bouts of it.  But, between my foot injury and my weight, I have never enjoyed it.  Our instructor had us do 5 laps of straight jogging.  A year ago I would have never been able to maintain it.... a steady jog.  But, yesterday I did.  I was pretty proud of myself.  It's good to see my physical abilities improving.  I need to keep challenging myself, though. 

Male Envy

I'm experiencing some serious male envy. 

I've come to realize (actually, this isn't really a new realization) that I really don't want to work out midday.  Once I'm dressed and ready for the day, I don't want to change into workout clothes later and get sweaty.  That just means I have to shower, reapply makeup, dry my hair, etc.  It's quite a hassle. 

This is what makes me envious of men.  I keep thinking if I was a man, I could get in a quick workout midday.  I wouldnt have to deal with all the nonsense that women do.  They really have it easy.  They don't have the makeup or accessories of women.  Taking off my jewelry can take a good five minutes sometimes. 

I recently blogged about not wanting to exercise.  I missed my workout last Friday morning and packed a bag so I could work out at the office.  But, I really couldn't make myself do it.  The biggest obstacle, in my head, was having to go through the process of getting ready again.  It was overwhelming.  So, I never worked out. 

Oh, to be a man....

Yo-Yo

I've been in the maintenance phase of the diet for 22 weeks.  In that time, I've lost and gained... mostly lost.  I've watched others yo yo the entire time.  Up 4, down 2.  Up 3, down 1.  The ups are usually higher than the downs. 

This week my scale has really been yo-yoing. A lot.  I was down 6 pounds from Monday to Friday, but today I am up again.  So, I have no idea what to think about the weigh in tonight.  I'm just going to hope it's not another gain.  I'd love for it to be a loss of the entire gain I've had plus some.    But, that seems pretty unrealistic. 

Anyway, I'm hoping this isn't the beginning of some ongoing pattern as a yo-yo.

Just say NO....

to exercise. 

That must be my motto coz I sure haven't done any.

Seriously,  none all weekend.   None Friday.  None Saturday.  None today.  Nothing.  Just can't get myself to do it. 

Friday I slept in some and even packed a bag so I could work out during my day... nope.  Didn't do it.  I even had plenty of time.  Just couldn't make myself go.

Saturday I had a morning rehearsal and then spent the afternoon/evening with a friend and our girls.  I just never tried to get in exercise or really even cared.

Then today... my nephew came over and a friend of the kids.  I could have snuck in some, but (again) I just didn't even try.  So, I know this will probably impact the scale tomorrow.  And, I should care more. 

I hate that I don't.  Sure, I don't want to gain any more weight.  But, I don't really want to work as hard as I need before either.  This slump of mine needs to pass.  Real soon.

Scaling Down

My 3 pounds weight gain on Monday has shown strong signs of disappearing.  The scale this morning brought great hope.  Perhaps it will all be gone, and then some, on Monday's weigh in.  I've been pretty focused this week on water intake, exercise, and what I'm eating.  Let's hope I can keep focused through the weekend.  I like see the scale go down again.

Stress Density

In November I wrote about stress density and my inability to lose weight and all the stress I was under at that time.

Here I am again.  Only in November, I was probably more rigid in my diet.  I was still really in the box - unlike now where I've been cheating more.  Cheating... meaning I eat outside the core curriculum (beyond box food and fruits and vegetables).  I've had more drinks lately.  A lot more and more often. 

But, this has been a very stressful time for me.  The last few months at work have been very challenging.  A lot of growth (which is great) along with quite a few dozen moments of frustration.  Along with that there have been several other things I'm juggling that are causing anxiety and stress.

Monday night's weigh in was my worst.  I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.  The scale (over the weekend) had been warning me... really, really warning me... that it was going to be bad.  It was less bad than the warning signs, but I was still up almost 3 pounds.  I'd been pretty proud of my track record.  My biggest gain to date was 1 pound, once.  Any other gain was like .4 or .2 or .5 once.  I basically call that maintaining. 

For the past few weeks I haven't seen a loss.  It's been up .2 or staying exactly the same or down a tiny bit.  But, up 3

I talked to Ginah about the stress I've been under.  And, that I've had more drinks lately.  And, yes... I believe I am responsible for this gain (to some degree) with bad choices.  I also know that I'm very stressed and I've felt especially dense.  My skin is tight.  My legs are tight.  My clothes are tight.  To make matters worse, my blood pressure is elevated. 

I've got to get myself back on track coz I really hate the way this "density" feels. 

Neiman Marcus Dress

On my recent trip to Minnesota, I was searching for a dress to wear for Dancing with the Stars.  I searched and searched for something flattering... anything.  I found the dress to the left at a Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis.  And, it fit like a glove.  It was almost too tight in the sleeves and very fitted throughout.  And, it looked great.  I thought it was really flattering.

So, I bought it.  And, when I got back it just wasn't exactly what I needed for the dance.  The dress has stayed in the NM bag since April.  Last week I was invited to a cocktail event for an organization we fund.  I thought... wow, I can wear the dress!!  I was so excited.  That's probably the biggest reason I wanted to go.

Anyway, here I am in the dress... which by the way is much looser than when I bought it.  The sleeves fit perfect now and the mid section is almost too loose. 

I wonder what it would cost to have it taken in.  I really like this Neiman Marcus dress.  :)

Public Nudity

It's been a VERY long time since I felt the least bit comfortable about being half-way nude in public.  A bathing suit has not been something I've wandered around in publicly.  In fact, on trips with friends, I'd be completely covered in shirts and shorts or whatever.  I did not want anyone seeing any part of my body.

This weekend, I went to a friends house in New Orleans.  And, he has a lovely little pool.  When packing, I was so excited -- remembering the pool.  I thought, oh cool... I can go swim!!  That would have never crossed my mind before.  I just wouldn't have even thought to pack a suit.  But, now I feel more comfortable.  I still hate my arms, but I'm working on them.  And, I'm not hiddeous. 

I never thought I'd say this, but it's very exciting to be able to walk around half naked in public!!

Gone Camping

I spent the day yesterday visiting the 4-H camp I went to as a child.  The Foundation I run is currently funding a component of their summer camp on health and fitness and they asked me to come up and see it in action.  Site visits are pretty telling.  And, they are time consuming.  But, usually... they are worth the visit. 

In this particular case, the three hour drive to get to Camp Grant Walker seemed worth it.  I was a two-time alum (4th and 6th grade visits) and very curious about how it looked 25 years later. 

It was exciting to see the camp grounds again and visit the archery field where I once (twice, thirty times) tried to shoot a bow and arrow.  And, the dance pavilion made me very nostalgic.  I remember evenings there with "Almost Paradise" playing as I wondered if any boy would ask me to dance.  I have fond memories of my time at camp.

And even though I was heavier than most of the kids then, I remember being active there.  Swimming, running, playing.  I don't remember feeling especially fat.  I remember feeling great there.

My site visit was rolling along and I was going into one of the classes where they taught the kids about nutrition.  They were talking about calcium and how important it is for the body and our bones.  And, guess what they were making with calcium in it?  Homemade ice cream!  Made with real half and half.  And, lots of sugar.  Ugggh.  Ice cream.  Certainly, making ice cream at a camp is fun.  And, trust me.. those kids licked up every bite.  But, there are so many other things that could demonstrate the importance of calcium.  Right?  I now feel like a contributor to obesity in children rather than a program that is working to fight it.  Frustrating.  I try to not get too angry.

We enter the next room.  They are teaching kids about all of the various careers having to do with nutrition.  Dietician, nutrition, chef, etc.  Each day they do a different one and the kids learn something about that particular career.  The career of the day was.... cookie decorator, of course.  And, all the children were decorating cookies!  Again, feeling a bit like perhaps this was not the true intent of the dollars. 

On the long drive home from camp, I thought.... a lot.  I was quite perplexed by this.  I was angry at the camp that had offered me such incredible experiences.  By the time I got home I came to a conclusion.  I have influence.  Not just me as a person, but my role in my company.  I have power and I have influence.  I can help make change.  I can not fund snacks that aren't healthy. I can require all organizations receiving funds adhere to certain standards, certain requirements.  A health and fitness program can not have ice cream and cookies as its snacks!  It's unacceptable.  I can't, in good faith, allow our dollars to go to programs that are contributing to the problem.  Even if the children are learning a lot, the bad food is only reinforcing bad choices. 

It may be a long time before I'm asked to go camping again. 

The Self-Inflicted Stall

My last two weigh ins have left me hanging around the same number on the scale.  I'd love to say I'm experiencing a plateau.  Truth is, it's a self-inflicted stall on weight loss.  I've been bad.  I'm not working out as often as I was.  I'm still doing spin, step, pilates, etc.  But, I'm finding it easier to skip a Saturday or Sunday.  And, I'm finding it even more easy to enjoy a glass of wine. 

I know that these things are contributing to my stall.  And, I know I should be thrilled I haven't seen a real gain.  I like the size I am now.  And, I'd be pretty happy to live the rest of my life in these size 12 clothes I'm wearing.  I feel healthy.  I feel happy.  I am satisfied.

"So, where's the but?" you're thinking.  Well, there is one.  I'm happy.  I feel good.  But, I also feel like if I've done this much, I should at least try to get down to where I'm no longer listed as "overweight" on the BMI chart.  It only recently shifted from Obese to Overweight.  I thought that day would never come.  I don't know what weight I have to be to get there.  I've looked before but I never remember.  This has never been about a number of the scale to me.  I just know that I'm not there yet.  I did my BMI again last week and it was still showing "overweight."

Now, I just need to get my mind back in the game and get myself out of this self-inflicted stall. 

Hackin' into YouTube

I stumbled on videos from last year's Dancing with the Stars event.  Wow, I can really see the difference in my size now.  I look really heavy.  REALLY heavy and I hate seeing it.  The interview video played before my performance kills me.  I look blown up.  My actual dance video is also troubling but it doesn't bother me nearly as much.  Probably because the dress is so spectacular and a big distraction.

I hate that these videos are online for everyone to see.  I know its part of who I am/was.  But, I have worked so hard these last 40+ weeks.  I don't want people to see that anymore. That's not how I want to be remembered.

I find it so embarrassing.  I'm actually blushing as I type this.  So, how does one hack in to You Tube and destroy this damaging evidence?

Fridge Art

My job requires I attend a lot of functions, galas, luncheons, etc.  Many times that means there is a reporter there covering the event.  And, many times that means I make the paper.  In the last six months, I've been saving the photos from the paper to see if I can actually see any notable change in body size. They're my current fridge art.  

Surprisingly, I can't see the weight loss too much.  I've probably lost 30+ pounds from the time first photo made the fridge (top row middle) to the most recent (bottom right).  I think some angles are better than others, and more flattering.  But, I've actually been a little disappointed in this experiment.  I was hoping I would really see a significant difference and that would reinforce the good habits. 

On Friday night I saw a good friend and he commented that he really can't see any lose in my face (I can see it myself).  But, perhaps it just doesn't show up in the fridge art? 

Not Just for Thanksgiving Anymore

Most people only serve sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving.  Actually, that's when I remember them most around when I was growing up.  But, I believe those were covered in butter and sugar and probably not so great for you.

Now, I'm a fan of the sweet potato.  I mean, not a huge fan growing up. I didn't dislike them but I wasn't crazy in love with them.  But, that was before we really got to know each other.  We got reacquainted with each other this year and I have fallen in love.  ESPECIALLY with the sweet potato fry.  Not the ones that are really fried, of course... coz that wouldn't be in the box.  But, oven baked sweet potato fries are delicious.  And, at times, are my saving grace.  

Every visit to the local produce stand, I pick up a bag (or two) of frozen sweet potato fries.   That means I eat them a lot.  And here is why.

Sweet potato fries allow me to feel self-indulgent and out of the box.  Plus, they are filling and delicious.  And, even more important, they are incredibly good for you - fat free, high in vitamins, high in fiber.  So I eat them all the time now.  In fact, I've got a bowl of them next to me right now as I write this.

And as I see it, sweet potatoes are just for Thanksgiving anymore.

Now I Lay Me Down to...

Sleep.  Sleep is a beautiful thing.  Letting your body go and leaving the world for a few hours.

Before the diet, my sleep patterns were erratic.  I'm what you call a morning person.  5 am visits to the gym.  But, I could also easily be a night owl.  Most days I was the first up and the last to bed.  I was operating on 4 hours of sleep most days.

I've read again and again that sleep impacts weight.  In fact, some articles suggest that sleep impacts weight more than exercise.  And, lack of sleep can be detrimental on ones weight.

In a study in the American Journal of Epidemiology, "women who slept seven hours or more put on less weight over 16 years than women who slept less, even if the other women exercised. Those who slept only six hours a night were 12 percent more likely to put on more than 30 pounds; if the women slept five hours or less, they were 32 percent more likely to gain that much. Other studies have found that lack of sleep impacts hormones that regulate appetite (ghrelin and leptin) and that a higher BMI is proportionally linked to less sleep. One solution is to set the alarm so that you get your full night of sleep and schedule your exercise for later in the day.”

So, there you have it.  Sleep is important.  Meaning, those 4 hours I was getting every night was not doing me any favors.  It's not like I was getting a lot of stuff done.

But, now... since I got in the box, I can barely keep my eyes open past 9 pm.  Sometimes 8 pm.  It's almost as if the diet is dictating this new habit.  It's not like I made a conscious effort to nearly double my sleep each night (which is basically what I have done).  Isn't that great, though?  More sleep is, but not being to stay awake isn't so great.

The other night I was watching a show with the kids and couldn't stay awake.  I fell asleep with them all over me.  It's like my body just can't stay awake anymore and it HAS to sleep.  But, I guess this is good and what I need right now... so I'm going to go with it and sleep away.

Goodbye Pounds!

I had a surprisingly successful weight loss this week.  2.2 pounds down. 

That's a great number to lose while in the Maintenance Phase, especially when I know that I really wasn't so focused last week with my diet.  In fact, there were a couple of days I was pretty bad at tracking what I ate.  So, 2.2 pounds gone was great!

I do believe, though, that those green shakes I drink every morning have been a contributor.  I'm not exactly sure how/why... but I'm certain they are part of the equation.  All I know is that the more fruits and vegetables I eat during a week, the higher my weight loss generally is. 

Regardless, I'll take the loss.  And say goodbye to those 2.2 unwanted extra pounds!